As the world premier entry in my crystal ball posting category I am happy to honor what I expect to be one of the most stunningly bad films of the summer, even decade. The original Bangkok Dangerous was probably a good flick. Telling the story of a deaf assassin who hears not his gunshots nor his victims’ pleas for mercy. Compelling, thrilling, sexy. About the only thing that can mess up this cool-man role is the one and only Nick “lets find some rockets” Cage. While one must laud his performances in such great films as Face Off and The Rock, Cage is more often a disappointer than an impresser. Owing much of his fame to his relation to the Coppola clan (he is the nephew of the great Francis Ford) Nick Cage is notoriously one-dimensional as an actor. His idea of nuance is pausing before each statement, squinting a little, and delivering the line like he’s hitting on a cocktail waitress. “You want to get out of here, come back to my place, find some rockets and have a peach, I can eat a peach for hours.” That line is a compilation of the most memorable lines of Cage’s career-both of them. I get the feeling that Cage is some big dork masquerading as a cool actor. He puts so much effort into sounding cool that he has no strength left to act. His roll in Bangkok Dangerous (BD) will surely add another deep notch to his commemorative belt of action characters with a sentimental side. In the case of BD his sentimentality is clearly evinced by his long hair with receding hairline. The only “danger” in this film is that Cage’s wig will fall off and he’ll be left naked and talent-less, and the Pang brothers will be asking “why the hell did we remake Bangkok Dangerous, and why the hell did we cast some washed up never-has-been instead of Jet Li, or Brad Pitt.”
Posted by schublog 