South Park Season 12 XII Episode 10 ‘Pandemic’

I am writing this entry in order to say what I think about the most recent South Park episode, and I will get to that in a bit. But first, a few words about those damn annoying video game commercials that dominate the best half hour of my week. Immediately before each South Park premier, there are full trailers, 1-2 minutes long, of brand new video games. Granted most of the games look sick, but I don’t have any modern systems (too distracting, $$$.) Hence these commercials are useless to me, as they likely are for much of the more mature audience that SP should like to cultivate. Notice I qualify the term “mature” by only using it relatively. For instance, consider the following true statement: Relative to the normal ten-year-old demographic, I have more mature taste and therefore, don’t appreciate long-assed video game trailers.

Now on to my usual task. This week’s episode, #1210, “Pandemic” was the first in a multi-part series. These multi-episode stories have become a staple of the SP diet. While most series have been funny, it is a tricky medium in which to operate. Stretching out a funny idea is one of the essential elements of SP-(think raping of Indy.”) Stretching these ideas to death can be useful, and hilarious (think woodland critters). The plot of episode 1210 contained a prime example of pushing a joke to the max, and I think it was funny. But I don’t think it ranks too high on the overall hilarity meter.

The over-bludgeoning of the Peruvian Pan-Flute band idea was typical of SP in its relevance to modern life. I live in NY and, in traveling around the city, I have encountered dozens of these groups. Back in ’99 I even bough a copy of “Sounds of the Andes.” The music was terrible, boring, repetitive, relaxing in that way that makes you want to be un-relaxed. But at least I did my part in preventing the Palelta Muerta.

The plot-stretching necessary for a multi-part series often cause over-stretching; whether this will be the case, we have yet to see. Also, as an unfortunate side-effect, these drawn-out series present me with a new difficulty in describing and critiquing the episode. At this point, It may be a little premature to just the episode by itself, since this episode was to be continued . . .-even though it didn’t say it.

Also notable in this episode was the Cloverfield-inspired camera work of Randy Marsh. In the past few seasons Randy has really come into his own as a character, and as a geologist, he recognizes his duty and documents the cataclysm. Hopefully he will have a meaningful and interesting series of events to record. Will They Defeat the Furry Death? How will Craig play into all this? Will Kenny die? Can’t wait til tonight to find out.

South Park Season 12 XII Episode 9 ‘Breast Cancer Show Ever’

‘Breast Cancer Show Ever,’ was an important episode. It was old skool and it was funny as hell, but that’s not why it was important. This episode was important because it revealed a certain truth about Cartman, a truth about the whole South Park world, maybe even a Universal Truth. The truth is: Cartman is pure evil; “[a] fat little lump that must be destroyed.” For those of you who watched “The X-Files” (not that I watched the X-Files) this was like when the writers first told you for sure that aliens were out there. The show professed it in the credits, you always knew it, but now you know that they know that you know it.

Cartmans’ downright evilness is an important milestone. But this episode had a more interesting milestone, one which, unlike Cartman’s evilness, SP has never truly acknowledged before. That is the evilness of Butters. Butters is a bit of a pawn, a bit of a sweetheart. But he will follow orders unquestioningly: teachers’ orders, parents’ orders, Cartman’s orders. In this episode, Butters aligns with the Dark Side. He fully supports Cartman in the fight against Wendy. And this isn’t one of the fat boy’s silly plans to go to Casa Bonita or SuperFunThyme, this was a violent plan and Leopold Butters Stotch bought in. He openly wishes harm upon Wendy.

Is this a permanent shift in the boy’s psyche? In the previous episode he also acts as Cartman’s henchman. This is not new for Butters but for the fact that he committed a grievous sin, the likes of which South Park has never seen. In all the mafia movies, cop movies, and Leslie Nielsen movies I’ve seen, I can’t recall ever seeing someone get shot in the dick. Butters did it at least three times. To an extent, this is a new low. But in classic Butters fashion, he shoots them accidentally. Is he forever fated to be the unwilling accomplice of evil? Only time, and more episodes, will tell, but for now, residents of South Park should think it best to steer clear of the little blond boy.

South Park Season 12 XII Episode 8 ‘The China Problem’

The Mid-Season Premier was good, not great. Funny, but not hilarious. South Park is overshadowed by its own greatness. How can every single episode live up to the all-time best? Episode 1208 does not live up to the best, but it is funny in its own right.

The episode combines two classic elements from the South Park repertoire. The first of these elements is blatant racism. Cartman and Butters’ imitation of Chinese people will certainly outlive the overall funniness of the episode itself. “Herro Preese” will be forever etched in the annals of television history.

The other recognizable classic South Park element is the over-the-top nature with which the episode addresses its core point. It’s not enough to merely make the joke that Indiana Jones was raped (by Steven Spielberg and George Lucas). Not enough to show the rape, once, or even twice. South Park had to rape Indy over and over again.

Repeatedly reenacting various famous rape scenes accurately, effectively and tastelessly: this is the essence of South Park. The film re-creates memorably grotesque scenes from Boys Don’t Cry, The Accused and Deliverance. These are the kinds of scenes that haunt people for life, and South Park neatly packages them in cartoon form, for all to see and enjoy.

Don’t watch this episode with your little brother, or your parents, or your girlfriend. Don’t watch this episode with anyone you wouldn’t want to see you cry, laugh and vomit at the same time.

The Incredibl(y mediocre) Hulk

Special thanks to guest writer Paulie V, who submitted this post.

One of the first among the many super hero blockbusters to come thundering into theatres this summer, The Incredible Hulk pounded his big green hands into our hearts this June. Essentially, a story of love punctuated by tank smashing, bone pulverizing, big green monster mashing action, as presented by newbie director, Louis Leterrier, whose other claim to directorial fame was the action laden, Transporter 2. Unfortunately, Leterrier’s vision of the jade giant translated into a struggling action flick, slowed only by scenes of indulgent sappiness.

Edward Norton delivers as the overstressed Dr. Bruce Banner on a quest to find the cure to his radioactive anger management issues. Always jumpy and conscience burdened, Norton’s representation of the good doctor did not disappoint, especially in his internal struggle to suppress his brutish half. Liv Tyler portrays Dr. Betty Ross, Dr. Banner’s love interest. While she musters an adequate performance as a worried woman, I personally believe she had too much screen time and likewise, way too much sway over the storyline. Pouty lips do not a good character make.

Tim Roth is dark and convincing in his portrayal of a Russian Mercenary (with an English accent) Emil Blonsky’s sole purpose is to best Dr. Banner and his monstrous alter ego. Action hungry and pumped with super soldier serum (ahem, Captain America, 2011), Blonsky is the perfect catalyst this time around, delivering over-the-top action and successfully reminding us that the Hulk is the good guy. Despite Blonsky’s killer instinct, the title of head badass would have to belong to Gen. Thaddeus Ross. Played by William Hurt, Ross’s tunnel-visioned endless war mongering provided the perfect fuel for the fire constantly under Dr. Banner’s ass. Hurt’s portrayal of Gen. Ross was deep and disturbing, showcasing a character whose determination to capture and replicate The Hulk was as formidable as his vast and deadly arsenal of terrifying future-weapons.

This incarnation of the beloved behemoth came complete with his comic book antithesis: The Abomination. In contrast to the Hulk’s accidental creation and quest for peaceful solace, The Abomination was purposefully created from ego and malice for nothing other than destruction and mayhem. Unfortunately, on screen The Abomination was not too convincing, mostly due to poor animation. Overall, the film’s CGI was decent, as far as the Hulk and his rampaging exploits were concerned. However, The Abomination appeared too cumbersome and very tame looking at best. His comic book rendition is much more menacing in appearance. I think for the film, they tried to make him appear more realistic but failed to realize that The Abomination is an evil radioactive monster, and doesn’t need to look realistic; he needs to look scary as hell. When will these movie execs learn? Hopefully by the sequel, whose seeds were carefully planted and much appreciated.

Was The Incredible Hulk better than Ang Lee’s miserable attempt at turning the monster into a sad self pitying case? Absolutely. Was it better than Iron Man? Absolutely not. But seeing Tony Stark in the final frames certainly didn’t hurt.

The Abomination as portrayed in comics.

Crystal Ball #4- The Happening

I think that The Happening will be a great film, a comeback for M. Night Shyamalan. Call it a hunch. Call it wishful thinking. Call it what you will. I know I may be wrong here, but I’m going out on a limb anyway. I have only seen one and a half trailers, and I haven’t read about the production at all. However I am exited-almost solely-by the prospect of an ‘R’ rated Shyamalan film. I hope the rating will allow Night to delve deeper into the darkness of the human psyche.

I am a fan of Night’s, which accounts for much of my optimism in anticipating The Happening. Every one of his films is unique, well-made and compelling. He is as artful when it comes to building suspense, as he is deft in establishing a rich visual palette. Take, for example, The Sixth Sense. In classic Hitchcockian fashion Shyamalan splatters the color red all over the film. Signifying blood, death, passion, the color red was a favorite tool of Hitchcock’s, especially in the form of a red dress on a stoic blond.

The Sixth Sense employs the color red in just this way. The mother of the sick little girl is blond and wears a red dress to her daughter’s funeral. The red dress, as well as the red balloon that Cole follows up the stairs, are visual cues that stick out like a sore thumb considering the texture of the whole movie is full of tweeds and grays and blacks, all set in the faded bricks and grey streets of a chilly Philadelphia (chilly Philly). There are other instances of the color red which escape my mind, though I recall Bruce Willis’ wife wearing a red dress at least once too.

Other Shyamalan films are less crafted than The Sixth Sense, but still full of suspense and drama. Signs is an ultimate suspense movie. I remember actually jumping in my seat when the first shot of one of the aliens is shown, only an ankle in a cornfield. The movie is perfectly timed and excellently directed. Everything from the timing of the children in the silly foil hats to the timing of the alien encounters. Particularly notable is the timing of the flashbacks: of Mel Gibson recalling the night of his wife’s death. Signs is artful, if not quite the alien thriller that some movie goers expected.

It has been a while since I’ve seen Unbreakable. From what I remember, the film was a less successful attempt at constructing similar anticipation and suspense. More successful was The Village. While the plot for both films was a bit of a stretch for some, there was a genuine terror in my mind as I watched The Village. Most interesting is how Shyamalan reveals that the creatures are a fabrication, and then teases the audience into doubting this revelation and suspecting their existence after all. Again the use of the color red is a device that Shyamalan uses to preempt death and danger. The Village had the added depth of social commentary. At a time when our country was obsessed with terrorist threats and alert levels, Shyamalan’s portrayal of the paternalistic leaders of the Village was meant to be an allegory for the tyrannical quirks of our current government leadership.

The Happening too seems to be some sort of social criticism, seemingly a juxtaposition of horrible death and mayhem against a backdrop of mundane everyday consumerism. This is a successful formula that has worked before, but something tells me Shyamalan will avoid being formulaic. I look forward to seeing it and posting a review this week.

*Note* I did not mention Shyamalan’s Lady In the Water. I don’t think it is a good example of Nights work, and though the film had some minor successes, overall it was more of a fairy tale than a suspenseful flick.

Crystal Ball #3- WALL-E

Crystal Ball #3: Wall-E

I have finally seen a full trailer for this summer’s Disney/Pixar Blockbuster, and I am enthralled. At first I was put off by the resemblance of Wall-E to the lovable vintage movie-bot Johnny 5 from 1986’s Short Circuit. However then I realized that the flat head, wide-eyed robot physically resembles many other cinematic attempts to convey human emotion through a non-human (think ET). As far as movies go, Wall-E will certainly be more of an ET than a Number 5, a milestone in movie magic as opposed to a film footnote in 1980s digital revolution (like *batteries not included.)

Wall-E is a story about the unthinkable. Or rather, the unimagineable: Robots in love. Star Wars teased this idea, in the courageously cute and chirpy R2D2 and the pompous and cowardly C3PO. However iconic Artoo and Threepeeo may be, I would hardly describe them as “loveable.” I haven’t done the research but I would guess that plastic models of the droids are more common than stuffed plush toys of them. They are intelligent, brave and useful, but hardly cuddly.

Wall-E, on the other hand, lends himself to plush toys as readily as any character in the Disney arsenal. He is made of metal, and in real life would certainly not be fuzzy or fluffy, however his fuzzy voice, cute mannerisms and curious robotic personality will no-doubt make Wall-E the target of many-a-toddlers’ hugs. Rather than just creating another loveable character to rival Woody or Shrek, Pixar studios is making the kind of movie magic that cinema is all about.

From the inception of the motion picture, filmmakers have dreamt of showing on screen things that exist only in the human imagination. Le Voyage Dans La Lune is a prime example of the infancy of movie magic. Modern filmmakers like Spielberg and Kubrik have become icons in realizing dreams on film. Think about Spielberg’s resume from a child’s point of view. He gave you an alien best friend, brought dinosaurs to life and made you think twice before swimming in the ocean. Spielberg’s collaboration with Kubrik on AI could be an important inspiration for Wall-E. AI tackled the idea of loving something artificial, but it imposed a human love on an artificial being, and barely touched on the artificial boy’s ability to love.

The enormity of Wall-E is in the ability of filmmakers to redefine the boundaries of human imagination. If a child in 1955 was asked to imagine what it would be like for 2 robots to fall in love, he or she would probably get annoyed at a “trick question.” Children now will grow up wondering if their parents’ cars get mad at them for spilling on the seat. They will wonder if their computers will miss them while they’re at school.

As I look into my crystal ball it becomes clear. Wall-E will be a mega hit this summer, and deservedly so. I hope I can get my hands on the plush toy.

In Theaters: Iron Man

Iron man was awesome. I could end this review now if I wasn’t so bent on having people read my shit.  Iron Man was funny, well-paced, well-scripted, well-cast, and had awesome, explosive visuals and action sequences.  The effects were perfect. Done by George Lucas’ Industrial Light and Magic, the CGI never caused me to question the reality of the movie.  A far cry from Jurassic Park, which had cutting edge effects for its time, but ones which you could tell were effects.

The success of Iron Man hinged on the suit, and the movie did not disappoint.  There were at least four incarnations of the suit. From its origin as a glorified killer hunk of scrap to its eventual perversion when the technology falls into the wrong hands, the suit was the star of the show; as much as or even more than the cast.

That is not to say that the cast was underwhelming, far from it.  Robert Downy Jr. was ideal for the roll, with his convincing mix of realistic charm, genuine compassion and super-inflated ego.  Gwyneth Paltrow was surprisingly successful as the absurdly named Pepper Potts.  Most people consider her acting ability to have the depth, complexity and texture of a rice cake, however as Iron Man’s right hand, umm, woman, Paltrow manages to be smart, endearing, sassy and a bit seductive.  Maybe it’s because I’m a guy and therefore, a sucker for a pretty face, but I believed the interaction between Stark and Potts, I wanted them to save the day and fall in love.

Jeff Bridges and Terrence Howard were excellent in their rolls as Obadiah Stane and Jim Rhodes, respectively Iron Man’s arch nemesis and best friend.  Bridges was icy, deceptive, and scary, showing that type of fake friendliness that you usually get from a salesman.  Howard was just the opposite: convincingly sincere and committed to both his duty and his friends.  I look forward to him being in the sequel, hopefully with his own suit.

The last thing I need to talk about is the direction of Jon Favreau.  ‘Swingers’ is one of the best movies you can watch when it come to the interactions of real (or real-ish) people.  ‘Elf’, starring Will Ferrel, is a paragon of comedic timing and irony.   Iron Man had both elements from previous Favreau films, particularly the humor, which was unexpected and acute.  Also thanks in part to the screen writing the movie was perfectly paced.  Divided in thirds, the first part climaxed at the revealing of the completed first suit.  The second climax was at Iron Mans first usage of his improved suit for its destined purpose: to kick some cave-dwelling terrorist butt.  The movie never got boring, and more important, the movie never assaulted you with overwhelming explosions or wrestling, indiscernible hunks of metal.  Unlike last summer’s ‘Transformers’, which had no sense of timing or pace and could just has easily been an infomercial for a scrap-metal smelter.

See Iron Man, bring your friends, bring your girl, bring your mom, even your little kids (as long as they keep their mouths shut.)  Oh, and stay until after the credits for a nice little motherfuckin’ tease.

South Park Season 12 XII Episode 7 ‘Super Fun Thyme’

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is that time of year again, when the creators of South Park find it necessary to tease their audience, like the selfish harlots they truly are. They get us salivating and guffawing with their 7 stellar episodes, then they take their mid-season hiatus to go do whatever it is that famous television creators do (drugs). So alas, while I will take this opportunity to comment a little on last weeks episode, I am sullen, for tonight I will have no South Park to accompany my glass of whiskey.

Last Wednesday’s episode was the seventh in what I have already referred to as a stellar season. While it is virtually impossible for me to rank the individual seasons or episodes, season 12 has so far shown a high level of insight into the mind of a child as well as a high level of social relevance: two key components of SP over the years. Additionally the episodes of season 12 have taken some of the characters to a new place, a place we have never seen but from which there is no retreat.

In “Major Boobage” we saw a softer side to Cartman. Not the usual feigned compassion to reach his own ends. Cartman exhibited real, genuine concern for the kitties of South Park. Some may say it was selfish, just so he could keep his kitty. But then why would he take in all of his neighbors’ kitties too? It figures that Cartman’s glimmer of compassion was shown toward cute fuzzy animals, rather than humans, but we still got to see a softer side to Eric Cartman.

Another interesting character development in the same episode was that portrayed by Gerald Broflovski. Gerald has always been the smart one, the responsible one, the level-headed parent. And while he has had his lower moments-like jerking off in a hot tub with Randy Marsh- Gerald is still one of the most respectable characters in South Park. It is unfortunate that he had to suffer such a traumatic episode when he was reintroduced to his old-tyme fix of cheesing his fucking brains out on cat piss. His plummet to rock-bottom and ascent back on top makes Gerald a more flawed, more real character-and one to admire.

The final character development I would like to talk about happened in last week’s episode: Super Fun Time. Pretty much all the kids in South Park fell into their usual personalities as their Pioneer Village field trip turned into a hellish nightmare. As usual, Cartman had the perfect plan to undermine the authority figures: ditch the trip and spend the day at Super Phun Thyme: the phunnest place in South Park (aside from Casa Bonita.)

Little did Cartman know that he would have to deal with the antics of the Stotch boy. Butters showed a new level of dogged determination, and endearing friendship in his refusal to release Cartman’s hand. We are used to Butters always following the rules, but we’re also used to him breaking them, getting grounded, and learning from his mistakes. It makes sense that this is one rule he would not break. He was commanded by his teacher to never release his partner’s hand, and that is just what he did. Butters’ refusal to let go proved to save the boys’ lives after they fell from a street light and hung only from their entwined hands. Butters displayed compassion, friendship and strength, an odd combination for the Stotch boy.

Another notable occurrence in the episode was the non-death of Kenny. They almost killed him, and easily could have, but thanks to Stan’s quick thinking, Kenny’s death has been postponed.

Also hysterically funny was the resolve of the residents/employees of Pioneer Village. They never broke character. Even as the smithie faced a loaded gun, he still would no acknowledge the modern world. His final words were of brave resoluteness, and Smithie died both nobly and needlessly- a unique achievement.

I hope you all enjoy your South Park-less Wednesdays for the time being. Maybe I’ll take up a hobby, ship in a bottle?

South Park Season 12 XII Episode 6 ‘Over Logging’

South Park seems to be on a roll when it comes to ripping off other movies. Pretty much every show you can think of has done this, especially shows that have been around for a dozen seasons. However SP manages to work multiple film references into one show. Many shows do this as well. Take the painfully mediocre show that will go unnamed, whose initials are FG. The difference with South Park is the show has multiple references worked into its plot, not just mentioned randomly. Mine is a recounting of the long established “random jokes” argument that SP fans have used against FG fans for millennia. It is more than a cartoon controversy, more than joke-telling schism. This division is as universal as Paul’s “silly love songs” versus John’s protest hymns. I am and always have been a Lennon man. Sorry Paul, I’ve seen you live, and loved every minute of it. But Give Peace a Chance, come on, do it for me.

The movie references in this week’s South Park were plentiful and thoroughly woven into the show’s plot, themes and message. The first obvious allusion was to a disaster movie of some kind. It wasn’t immediately clear to my buddies and me weather the show was referring to 28 Days Later or I Am Legend. Who knows? Who cares? The point is, the show took the world ending plot, worked it in, didn’t dwell on it, but still had something to say about it. The next apparent movie reference was more in-depth, more detailed and very entertaining. The cartoon turns to a rich sepia tone as the characters announce their plan to go “Californy Way.” The Grapes of Wrath was a classic film released in 1940 starring Henry Fonda as the patriarch of a clan of Okies headed west in search of jobs and fertile land. The story, based on an acclaimed John Steinbeck novel, hearkened back to the hard times of the great depression and focused on the downtrodden determination and fortitude of the hard-working farmer.

As Randy Marsh and the residents of South Park lament- “My internet done up and went away”-they are speaking to a larger meaning about the vulnerability of our society in our dependence on digital. Adding another irreverent and classic SP slant was the porn story line championed by Randy Marsh. When encouraged to realize his stick figure fantasies he “searched” for some for a varied, well-rounded assortment of dirty dirty porn. Japanese girls exchanging fluids, namely vomit; Interracial gangbang; shemales; bestiality; and finally Brazilian fart fetish porn. As if these “search” terms aren’t vivid enough for the average viewer to imagine, the show takes it one step further, in classic SP fashion. . .

Randy Marsh sneaks up on the trailer at the transient cap in Californy. Sitting on the desk inside is what he seeks, a computer. He slips through the window and in the precious few minutes he has manages to search for almost every one of his fetishes. The best part is the participatory nature of the experience. The audience gets to listen in on puke noises with Japanese voices in the background; a woman seeming to have a wonderful time with a loud elephant; and what can only be described as the sounds of Brazilian fart porn. The big payoff of the whole experience is when the residents of the transient camp burst into the trailer only to realize that there was no tiger attack. Good ‘ole Randy Marsh tries to pass it off as ectoplasm, but clearly covering him and the environs was nothing other than his own excessive spooging. . .

There was one more film reference that was admittedly brief and random, almost falling into the manatee ideal ball FG category. Like the melodic interlude of a Beatles song, the occasional random allusion is necessary, it lightens up the humor, gives you instant gratification before the final comedic payoff. The government’s efforts were futile in fixing the internet, they tried every means of communicating with it. In this case “the internet” was an enormous wireless router. The communication method was a guy at a piano tapping out a distinct melody. This scene was a clear reference to Close Encounters of The Third Kind- a 1977 Spielberg film about talking to aliens using lights and sound. Richard Dreyfus, flying saucers, mashed potato mountains, should I go on? See it. Wundarbar.

There is admittedly a reference in the show that I did not pick up on. At the end, in the requisite cathartic conclusion, Randy was dressed in a Native American outfit and had a particular manner to him. I didn’t get it and would appreciate any feedback as to its meaning.

The finale of the show was the realization of Kyle’s genius yet predictable plan to unplug and re-plug “the internet.” It worked, everybody happy. Bottom line: Appreciate the internet but don’t rely on it too heavily, there is a whole big analog world out there. Only use the internet for porn twice a day.

Crystal Ball #1- Bangkok Dangerous

As the world premier entry in my crystal ball posting category I am happy to honor what I expect to be one of the most stunningly bad films of the summer, even decade. The original Bangkok Dangerous was probably a good flick. Telling the story of a deaf assassin who hears not his gunshots nor his victims’ pleas for mercy. Compelling, thrilling, sexy. About the only thing that can mess up this cool-man role is the one and only Nick “lets find some rockets” Cage. While one must laud his performances in such great films as Face Off and The Rock, Cage is more often a disappointer than an impresser. Owing much of his fame to his relation to the Coppola clan (he is the nephew of the great Francis Ford) Nick Cage is notoriously one-dimensional as an actor. His idea of nuance is pausing before each statement, squinting a little, and delivering the line like he’s hitting on a cocktail waitress. “You want to get out of here, come back to my place, find some rockets and have a peach, I can eat a peach for hours.” That line is a compilation of the most memorable lines of Cage’s career-both of them. I get the feeling that Cage is some big dork masquerading as a cool actor. He puts so much effort into sounding cool that he has no strength left to act. His roll in Bangkok Dangerous (BD) will surely add another deep notch to his commemorative belt of action characters with a sentimental side. In the case of BD his sentimentality is clearly evinced by his long hair with receding hairline. The only “danger” in this film is that Cage’s wig will fall off and he’ll be left naked and talent-less, and the Pang brothers will be asking “why the hell did we remake Bangkok Dangerous, and why the hell did we cast some washed up never-has-been instead of Jet Li, or Brad Pitt.”